Between Bruises and Blooms
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4:00 a.m. Some nights sleep doesn’t come. Tonight, this did. I missthe heavy kind of quiet. The kind that settledafter a bowl,when my body finally unclenchedand my face felt warm,like gravity had loosened its gripfor just a little while. For a few precious hours,every muscle surrendered. My thoughts stopped sprinting. The ache became a whisper.…
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Some people arrive like seasons, beautiful, necessary, but always meant to leave. You never did. You stayed. When the world grew quiet, when grief swallowed whole conversations, when there were no words left worth saying— you stayed. You stood beside me through hospital rooms and empty nurseries. Through birthdays that hurt and anniversaries that stole…
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My sweet Gabriella, You came into this worldwith eyes that seemedto take everything in. Before you could speak,you watched. Before you could run,you observed. You have always hada quiet kind of wisdom,the kind that doesn’t needto be loud to be noticed. From the very beginning,you reminded methat every child bloomsin their own season. You have…
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My sweet Isabella, The first time I heard your cry,the whole world stopped. Before I saw your face,before I counted your fingers,before I whispered your name, I heard you. And somehow,that sound stitched togetherpieces of my heartI didn’t know were still broken. You entered this worldwith more strengththan anyone could have expected. So tiny. So…
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My sweet Theo, From the moment you came into this world,you carried sunshine with you. You have always had a wayof making people laugh,of turning ordinary daysinto adventures,and of reminding methat joy can still existeven after heartbreak. You arrivedwhen my heart was still learninghow to beat around grief. You didn’t replacethe sister we lost. No…
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My beautiful girl, It has been years,and I still wonderwho you would have become. Would your laugh sound like mine?Would you have your brothers’ kindness?Would your little sistersfollow you from room to room,wanting to be just like you? I will never know. I only had a few precious hoursto memorize your face,your tiny fingers,the weight…
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My sweet boy, I don’t know if you’ll ever understandhow much of my hearthas always belonged to you. You made me a motherbefore I knew what motherhood really meant.We learned together—through sleepless nights,sticky hands,cartoons playing before sunrise,and a thousand little momentsthat no photograph could ever hold. I’ve watched you growfrom the tiny boy who reached…
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Maybe one day I won’t have to choose between relief and proving myself. Maybe one day healing won’t come with conditions. Maybe one day I’ll light a joint without wondering who might judge the smoke. Until then, I’ll keep choosing the future I’ve been fighting for— one clear morning at a time.
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I hope you wonder if I’m thinking about you. I hope my name finds its way into your quiet moments, when the world finally stops asking so much of you. Because that’s where you find me. In the silence. In the songs. In the spaces between heartbeats where missing someone feels louder than words. If…
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They might test my blood. They’ll never test the nights I stayed awake rocking babies. They’ll never measure the panic attacks I survived sober. They’ll never weigh the meals I forced myself to eat, or the mornings I got out of bed when depression begged me not to. Sometimes being a good mother looks nothing…
Between Bruises and Blooms 