Between Bruises & Blooms

This is the part
people think
must cancel out.

If I understand
your grief,

I should forgive
what you did.

If I understand
you were overwhelmed,

I should soften.

If I understand
you were young,

alone,

newly widowed,

trying to carry
a calling
bigger than yourself,

then surely

I must stop
being angry.

No.

Understanding
is not absolution.

I can see
how you got there

and still hate
where you went.

I can know
you were drowning

and still grieve
the children
you let go of
to keep yourself afloat.

I can believe
you loved them

and still believe
love should have
fought harder.

Both things
can be true.

Maybe that
is what bothers me
most.

You were not
a monster.

It would be easier
if you were.

You were a mother
in pain

who made a choice
that hurt
the people
who needed her most.

And I understand you.

I really do.

I just
do not forgive
the choice.