Motherhood
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They call it a custody battle. But battles have finish lines. This feels more likeHolding my breathFor weeks that become months,Waiting for strangersTo decide pieces of our lives. I wake each morningStill their mother.No ruling can change that.No courtroom can eraseThe years stitched into my heart. Some days hope is loud.Some days fear sits beside…
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Originally written on December 1, 2015. Tonight,sleep refuses to find me. The house is quiet,except for the steady rhythmof my son’s breathingas he dreamswithout knowingI’m counting the hours. I watch Emerson,safe in his bed,and gratitude fills one half of my heart. The other halfstill belongs to you. I look at your photographsand wonderhow someone so…
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They gave the monster a name. Not fate. Not chance. Not something I did wrong. A name made of too many syllables and not enough mercy. For weeks, I carried guilt like it belonged to me, turning every memory over in my hands, searching for the moment I thought I had failed you. Then the…
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It began with a whisper—a quiet pop,a timid trickle,so gentle I mistook the beginningfor an ordinary moment. Just after threeon a warm July afternoon,I stood to stretch my legs,never knowingmy world had already shifted. I called your father homewith uncertainty tangled in my voice.“Something’s changing,” I said,though neither of uscould yet imaginehow much. Between phone…
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October seventeenth,a date forever carvedinto the deepest corners of my heart. A morning that began with hope,with anticipation,with the promise of meeting my daughter. The world was asleepwhen I woke to the rhythm of contractions,each wave reminding me: She is coming. I welcomed the pain,believing every moment would disappearthe second I held her. And then,at…
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There are tiny hands that reach for me like I am the safest place in the world. And sometimes they don’t know how heavy my heart has been. They don’t know the battles I fought quietly. The nights I cried without making a sound. The pieces of myself I had to find again. They only…
Between Bruises and Blooms 